“Escape” (for snowbirds)
“If you like making love at midnight… (the day they put Viagra in the water and raise Johnny Carson from the dead)”
How Facebook is Like Mezcal
“An overly large American Agave plant is a spiked, stabbing, tissue-slicing medieval catapult payload conceived by a satanic, sadistic, torture-happy monk. It’s a star-shaped exploded death star with ridged spears and daggers splaying out in all directions, capable of viciously cutting a human victim into multiple pieces by just looking at it. Or so says the letter from my neighbor’s lawyer.”
Airport Security and Smelling Fabulous
“I could visually see the words coming out of my mouth in slow motion – eyes crossed, reading the letters tumbling in the air space in front of my nose – but I couldn’t pull them back in, no matter how hard I sucked – gasped — whatever.”
Loneliness — or So It’s Called
“Loneliness is an opportunity to write haikus, play pan flute and sing Bjork in the original octave.” (Satire)
The Pesto Manifesto
“The Cult of Mighty Pesto says I should always seek wise counsel from folks whose recipes are completely authentic, historic and blessed by The Pope. Do not seek the so-called experts who think they know Italian cooking solely because they once brushed up against a gardener whose uncle met Al Pacino’s barber at a Pavarotti concert.”
If I Were a Cannibal, What Spices Would I Want on Hand – My Hand, Not the Food’s Hand – Yet — Part 2
“In fact, cannibalism might be preferable to British food…. They do have tikka marsala, but I’d have to make it out of a parrot and milk a monkey for the cream. Certainly, British food is so unhealthy that the cannibals would get their regular meat supply from natural causes.”
If I Were a Cannibal, What Spices Would I Want on Hand — My Hand, Not the Food’s Hand — Yet – Part 1
“Because I’m picking the two, uh three, basic spices and four other basics needed to cook anything — and anyone — in all the common national-ethnic styles … like Hannibal — with a CAN-DO attitude — CAN-ni-bal… leg of Larry … herbs for Herb.”
How to Survive Sports Talk in Florida
“To avoid these embarrassing situations, it’s best to have a few sports clichés to stymie these conversations quickly.”
ReFLocate.com 