“There is a weight. There is always a weight. And the weight is always negative and feels heavy, yet it is actually lighter than air. This weight is weird. It steals the wind from a person’s heart. Everyone has this weight to some degree. And my weight is particularly heavy today.”
“If you like making love at midnight… (the day they put Viagra in the water and raise Johnny Carson from the dead)”
“An overly large American Agave plant is a spiked, stabbing, tissue-slicing medieval catapult payload conceived by a satanic, sadistic, torture-happy monk. It’s a star-shaped exploded death star with ridged spears and daggers splaying out in all directions, capable of viciously cutting a human victim into multiple pieces by just looking at it. Or so says the letter from my neighbor’s lawyer.”
“I could visually see the words coming out of my mouth in slow motion – eyes crossed, reading the letters tumbling in the air space in front of my nose – but I couldn’t pull them back in, no matter how hard I sucked – gasped — whatever.”
“Loneliness is an opportunity to write haikus, play pan flute and sing Bjork in the original octave.” (Satire)
“Plus, the Sandwich Cubano is the perfect sandwich. They take mere minutes to prepare and are, well – sublime.”
“I was pleased. I didn’t know if it was helping, but it wasn’t like I could massage his front legs or give him mouth to mouth — or mouth to – whatever a bee has – and make him well. I was out of ideas.”
“So my jambalaya recipe is designed to be faster to make than traditional jambalaya. If it’s quicker without appreciably affecting taste, I’m all for it. It’s also a hybrid – served gumbo style — and it’s Creole inspired. But like all Creole cooking, it has lots of ingredients and options due to garden availability and a myriad immigrant influences. Hopefully, I’ve listed enough of these options to feel good about making it…”.
“To avoid freezer burn in your short-term cooking projects, take a few additional steps, whether for pre-browned meat, vegetable stocks or simple leftovers.”
“The Cult of Mighty Pesto says I should always seek wise counsel from folks whose recipes are completely authentic, historic and blessed by The Pope. Do not seek the so-called experts who think they know Italian cooking solely because they once brushed up against a gardener whose uncle met Al Pacino’s barber at a Pavarotti concert.”
“In fact, cannibalism might be preferable to British food…. They do have tikka marsala, but I’d have to make it out of a parrot and milk a monkey for the cream. Certainly, British food is so unhealthy that the cannibals would get their regular meat supply from natural causes.”
“Because I’m picking the two, uh three, basic spices and four other basics needed to cook anything — and anyone — in all the common national-ethnic styles … like Hannibal — with a CAN-DO attitude — CAN-ni-bal… leg of Larry … herbs for Herb.”
“Mom briefed us about poke being poison, especially the berries, yet she’d also eaten the fresh spring leaves her whole life. So she wasn’t militant about it. The plant was largely considered a farm nuisance due to its size and general lack of usefulness.”
