“If you like making love at midnight… (the day they put Viagra in the water and raise Johnny Carson from the dead)”
“An overly large American Agave plant is a spiked, stabbing, tissue-slicing medieval catapult payload conceived by a satanic, sadistic, torture-happy monk. It’s a star-shaped exploded death star with ridged spears and daggers splaying out in all directions, capable of viciously cutting a human victim into multiple pieces by just looking at it. Or so says the letter from my neighbor’s lawyer.”
“I could visually see the words coming out of my mouth in slow motion – eyes crossed, reading the letters tumbling in the air space in front of my nose – but I couldn’t pull them back in, no matter how hard I sucked – gasped — whatever.”
“Loneliness is an opportunity to write haikus, play pan flute and sing Bjork in the original octave.” (Satire)
“Plus, the Sandwich Cubano is the perfect sandwich. They take mere minutes to prepare and are, well – sublime.”
“I was pleased. I didn’t know if it was helping, but it wasn’t like I could massage his front legs or give him mouth to mouth — or mouth to – whatever a bee has – and make him well. I was out of ideas.”
“So my jambalaya recipe is designed to be faster to make than traditional jambalaya. If it’s quicker without appreciably affecting taste, I’m all for it. It’s also a hybrid – served gumbo style — and it’s Creole inspired. But like all Creole cooking, it has lots of ingredients and options due to garden availability and a myriad immigrant influences. Hopefully, I’ve listed enough of these options to feel good about making it…”.